Scared to Say Goodbye

The night before our going away party, I was feeling really nervous and anxious about saying goodbye to the children. Thinking about having to leave their precious smiles, and not having for sure contact with them to check in on them and see how their doing made me feel so worried. I, at least made the decision to come and volunteer, knowing that there would be a goodbye at the end. I chose that. But the kids don't chose to have volunteers file through their orphanage months after months. Then they get attached and then the volunteers leave. Its not fair to them and it scares how it mentally affects them now and how it will in the future. That made it really hard. I felt so guilty.
Then running through my head was the question about what would happen to them in the future? How would the future volunteers treat them? Would they graduate? Would the beautiful girls be educated and protected from getting lured into the horrifying sex trade? Would they be street vendors? Tuktuk drivers? Or would they find finding to go to university? How would the future treat them? The unknown really bothered me. And none of them have email, Facebook, or telephones, which really made the goodbye seem like a true goodbye... Not a "see you later" or "we'll keep in touch" but truly a goodbye, without ever knowing if I'll ever see or hear from them again. These were all the negative things that made me cry, on the other hand I was crying because these kids really opened a new part of my heart..
What really touched my heart was how amazing each of these kids are, yet they don't even know it. Really, truly amazing kids. Some of their parents have died, others have been given them up, abandoned in the middle after a nasty divorce, or given to the orphanage because their parents can't afford them. They have nothing for themselves, sharing everything they have with the 45 other kids. We could all say that they've all been dealt some of the worst cards in life, but not for one second do they look at it that way. That is what I absolutely admire about each and everyone of them! Never do they feel sorry for themselves about the way their life is or they way it has so far played out. They never feel sorry for themselves. There are so many reasons why they are all so amazing. There is no way I could express my thanks to them for all they have done for me. They have completely opened my eyes and my heart to what it means to love, what it means to be thankful and what it means to have a family. They've taught me the importance of laughter, the power of a smile and the beauty of personality. Through them I've learned to remember to be playful and forgive eachother quickly. I will never be able to repay them for what they've done for me. I pray for them everyday and trust that God will take care of them. I already miss them. -Kendal